4/7/09 (4:11 PM):
I have some explaining to do. If you were here for site news, Warriors updates, or my epic fangirly flailings of "pretty boys in pretty constellations," this is not the post for you. If you wanted to hear a confession, it's here.
I'm going to start with a story. Just a story about this site.
When I set this up last year, I had one goal in mind: to make this the place that everyone could visit, no signing up, nothing. But a few months in, I was in way too deep. This site was literally my lifeline, my escape from the outside. And I like that. Up until now.
Now I can see what a bitch I was -- the bitch I am, the self-controlling, caught up, pompous prat that I am. And I am going to try and heal what I've screwed up.
Savannah Emerson: We met under the worst circumstances possible: I the noob, you the person with intents I was too blind to see. You meant no harm. I wanted to end it. And I went about it the wrong way. I went about everything the wrong way. Now that you're back, I can see what I did. And I'm sorry.
We'll never be the best of friends. But I'd like not to be enemies. If I could take back everything that happened back in July, I know for a fact that I would do it. Don't take this the wrong way, but I want to forget that we ever met, that anything ever happened. Either way, I'm not going to burden you. I'm not going to force you to change your opinion about me. But I am genuinely sorry. You can accept it or not.
Roseear: You can hate me. I can accept that. If I were you, I'd hate me, too. We were friends, I know. But you have your loyalties to your cousin. And I admire that. The harm that has come to you and your cousin over these last few months is inexcusable on my part. For everything that happened, this is not your fight. I take the burden off your back as my fault. You can hate me, whatever. All I want you to know is that I'm sorry, I overreacted to everything.
We may never be friends again. And I won't push it on you. But I want to clear the air between us and say that I'm sorry. And you may never forgive me. But it'll put me at ease to know that I tried, and maybe you listened.
Goldfeather: Do you know how much I admire you? Admire you for doing exactly what you believe is right? Do you know how much that means to me, that you try very hard to do this?
Thank you. That is all I can say.
Sunstar: This is a personal apology that I'm going to put here. I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you. I'm sorry you had to withstand all that. I still carry the little guilt seed of the fact that maybe, if I hadn't acted that way, you wouldn't have been... like this. Violent. Angry. And only 10. There are really times that I want to strangle you, but I may say that we are the same blood indeed. I love you to death, little bro.
For others that I may have hurt, I am sorry. I am sorry for letting spammers come and flood us to death. Heck, I'm sorry for ever dragging you into this. But it needed to be done.
I will kill this to the core. The problem that started it all are the people who may or may not have antagonized Savannah Emerson and her site. On a usual day, I would have defied, said I didn't have control over anyone, anything. But today is not a day for my excuses. I will ask you now to help me, help everyone and stop going there. It may just be the last push to get us back into safer waters.
At the beginning of this rant, I mentioned my depression issues. Today was no different. For a while there, I felt like dying. But the metaphorical gun is out my hands now. Today I'm standing for it. I know not everyone has to like me. And right now, what you think of me doesn't affect who I am anymore.
So, I've made my point. For everyone that I've hurt, I'm so sorry. This is my fault, and I will carry it singularly. It's your turn to accept your end of the bargain.
Mutually, humbly, and sincerely yours,
Dawn
"I know the world's a broken bone. But melt your headaches, call it home."
No comments:
Post a Comment